So as this day draws to a close and I settle in for some tea & time wasting the thoughts of the day still swirl around me. 4th of July is a bit of an odd holiday for me. I usually shun the barbecue & beach invitations in a vague, “thank you – but I already have plans” sort of way. The truth is, I do. They’re not grand or festive really. But I have plans. I ALWAYS have plans. Ever since I moved out on my own I have NEVER missed a 4th of July at my moms. Every year I go over in the evening & we sit on the front porch & watch as the neighborhood goes up in whistles, rockets & cherry bombs. Then at 9:00pm, when the air is quite thick with sulfur, the fireworks show at the high school starts. We then take our chairs to the back yard, find a spot on the driveway & watch those.
When I lived there I didn’t hang out with mom, but I would always manage to go to the school with my friends for the show. Tradition. Habit. Constant. Comfort.
This year was no different really – except for an almost palpable fear buried deep in my psyche but present enough for me to see it’s outline. Continue reading “thoughts, mom & the 4th of july”