I just emailed this to my friend SteveO…
so I am too fried to text you back. LONG day. besides, around the moment you were text messaging me I was being dived at by an obese man in some little flat blue shit of a car. apparently I failed to yield at a “Yield” sign I didn’t see at the PCH/Lakewood traffic circle (I’ve always hated that spot) – totally my fault, for sure – but a) I didn’t see the sign b) his car was in my blind spot so I didn’t see him. Mind you, for at least a quarter of a mile I had no idea wtf was up with this screwball diving at me in maneuvers that would have likely gotten him killed or put in jail. This was a case of “mi coche es mas grade que tu coche” so you must be high. Convinced of this, I wanted to verify what his deal was.
At some point he had gone from the lane on my left to the lane on my right & conveniently stopped at a red light. I pulled up next to him, rolled my window down and yelled, “WHAT?!?!?!?!?” He proceeded to point out the error of my ways a quarter mile back at the traffic circle by yelling at me you stupid-fucking-cunt-bitch, can’t you read a yield sign? you almost hit me back there! Then he kept repeating the stupid-fucking-cunt-bitch part and occasionally peppered it with you ARE a stupid-fucking-cunt-bitch-whore. Mind you, I apologized to him between his rants but that only seemed to make him angrier. So finally I threw up my arms, said “sorry, don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t see you.” only to once again be reminded that I was a stupid-fucking-cunt-bitch.
Now throughout all of this I was never offended – or even angry really. His overuse of asshole word-of-the-day adjectives rendered the statement impotent. Besides I couldn’t tear my focus away from his many chins as they undulated with his rage or the fact that the more he screamed (and spittled) at me at the top of his lungs, the more he visibly choked and laboured to catch his breath. At one point I almost said something back to him but I caught myself. Instead I reveled in the moment that I was probably witnessing a heart attack and the likelihood that he was going to drive around the corner and splatter himself messily on a light post was great.
Sadly, I never got to find out. He turned, I went straight & caught the freeway home.
Oh, and to respond to your text, I don’t have Elements Of Life but I have heard it. My favorite is Just Be.
