we all have those things, places or people that at one time or another make us feel uncomfortable in our own skins. either you have one of those friends that speaks all too openly about her sex-capades and throws herself at your date, or you walk into a crowd of people so unlike you that they all turn and stare. yea, weird uncomfortable moments. we all know them.
now i can talk it up with the best [or worst] of them. i’ll happily discuss peoples’ ideas, kinks & fetishes without really batting an eye. i seemingly inspire confessions on some really uncomfortable subjects. i watch gory movies while i eat. hell, ER is a dinner time favourite with me. point is, i’m really comfortable with a lot of uncomfortable things. no big deal.
so tonight after i finished with my last client i hot footed it to one of my least favorite types of places. a mall. a necessary evil in my day since i had some items to exchange & a gift to purchase.
so about this gift: can you say “baby shower?”
i located my target on the mall directory and made my way though the teenagers, businesspeople and kiosk sellers to the opposite end of the mall. i realized that as i got closer to my destination i was becoming more & more uneasy. i never knew it was possible to walk & squirm at the same time. I’d never given it any thought really – but there i was – walking & squirming. i got to baby style and i think i rolled my eyes. i took a deep breath (you would have thought I was pearl diving) & i stopped at the front of the store. finally i walked inside in a manner not unlike that of being dragged in by an invisible rope around my waist. i wanted to run out of there with every fiber in me. i didn’t even want to look around – oh, but i had to – how else was i going to find the registry at the back of the store?
fine. almost holding my breath i went to the back & typed my friend’s name into the computer to bring up her list. fortunately i had already done my homework the night before from the privacy of my own laptop and knew what i wanted to get – i only used the registry so i could talk to the sales person.
next i got this sales guys’ attention and asked him all the pertinent questions. i then found myself staring at his mouth intently as he spoke. labrets. two of them. i stared at them hard, like holding on to a lifeline belonging to my world as i lay drowning in the mire of crib toys, maternity clothes and, and… BABY STUFF. he probably thought i was just being rude. he had no idea that he was my only solace in this alien world of children and procreation. yep this guy with piercings who worked there held my sanity.
i got what i went there for, stood in the world’s shortest SLOW line and fidgeted like a crack head. oh yea, i wanted OUT!!!! the girl FINALLY got to me, checked me out & gave me tissue to fluff my bag of un-wrappable goods. finished. i almost ran out of there.
then there i was, still walking around the glendale galleria with this giant BABYSTYLE bag in tow. yeeecchh! i would have just as soon walked around in public carrying an array of unwrapped sex toys, saran wrap and duct tape. that i could have handled gracefully, i’m sure.
i went to bath & body works, exchanged a gift set that had given me a headache & made me sneeze for something vanilla and then made my way to the nearest exit foregoing the Apple Store in my haste [which I had decided to also pay a visit to earlier.]
whew! i survived. none worse for the wear i suppose. so far no signs of wanting babies of my own or any other such nonsense!
tomorrow: the baby shower. that ought to be a breeze. after all, there will be tequila at this one! ?